I Love My Umbrella

ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-03-11T17:23:00

2008-03-11T21:23:27Z

What kind of yarn are you?

You are Merino Wool.You are very easygoing and sweet. People like to keep you close because you are so softhearted. You love to be comfortable and warm from your head to your toes.
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ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-02-26T17:15:00

2008-02-26T22:16:47Z

Ha ha ha ha ha.

I love DJ Lobsterdust.

http://djlobsterdust.com/mix/lobsterdust--ItsFunToSmokeDust_(Queen_vs_Satan).mp3

Anyway. Life. It's pretty life shaped these days. Spring break is next week, pretty excited about that.

Buddhism, also fun.

Take it easy.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-01-30T14:05:00

2008-01-30T19:15:40Z

So.

I feel bad saying this, but holy shit do I love me some salvia.

So yesterday I had a shitton of things to do; work, meetings etc. And I totally had a plan to get EVERYTHING done last night. Except there was a little bump in my plan. At my last meeting, we somehow got onto the topic of salvia and this guy pulled out a bag of 15x. And he mentioned that he didn't really want the rest and would give it up for five bucks. I was like "I don't have the money on me, but I can get it to you later" and he was like "that is chill".

So I got like. Two or three grams of 15x. And. Oh. My. Gods. It was SUCH a step up from just leaf. With just leaf I didn't really get any visuals, but with fifteen... Holy crap was there shit going on. I can't really describe it because it was that bizarre.

Most people I've talked to, who have tried it, didn't really like it? But so far, I haven't had a problem with it. Even that one time the ducks were coming for me.

To quote my friend Riley, who was having some with me "is this what retarded people feel like ALL THE TIME?" because coming down off of it was a lot like having to reremember how to do everything. Riley was quite surprised when his legs were doing what he told them to do. Conversations became amazing things because you made noise, and the other person heard the noise and understood what you meant and then made noise back at you.

Also, this one plant, like a ground shrubbery thing, turned into broccoli. ... Broccoli is just strange to begin with.

Also, apparantly you can get it as strong as 120x. ... That's pretty mind blowing to even consider. Salvia is THE most potent natural hallucinogen, for those of you who were wondering. It starts having an effect in the basic non-concentrated leaf form. You need a lot more to have visuals with just leaf, but you can do it. But one bowl of 15x is all you need to be goooone. It's almost immediate and only lasts for maybe 5 minutes, but it feels like sooo much longer. You know, altering your life and mind state and then coming back seems like it would take a long time.

And the best part? It's legal. :] (though, apparently some states are on their way to banning it? hopefully NC will not be one of those states)

ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-01-23T20:20:00

2008-01-24T01:21:18Z

Hey everyone! I'm conducting a survey!

http://noworries.rockycrater.org/survey/

If you could take it and/or pass the link along, I would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks!

ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-01-19T05:36:00

2008-01-19T10:57:39Z

Don't you just love it when you're looking into something and stumble upon something crazier and wackier than you could ever imagine?

Yeah.

I started out looking into Girl Talk which led me to John Oswald which in turn led me to stumbling upon someone named... Sven Konig (except with an umlaut above the o). What's he's done is... brilliant and amazing.

Two big things of his that are noteworthy.

The first deals with music and music videos. He wrote a program or something that basically takes a music video, chops it up, creates signatures based on the sound, and then puts all these values into a database. Then, using live input from a microphone, his computer breaks down the input, determines the sound signature, finds the closest match in the database, and then outputs the sound/video. This sounds really complicated, yes? Watch video.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=eRlhKaxcKpA

The other thing is with any kind of video, specifically pirated p2p video. Videos can't contain all the exact information of every single frame, so they keep the data from keyframes and then delta frames tell how the frames change. Basically you have a keyframe that has all the information, and each delta frame tells that each little bit needs to change slightly. This guy, along with someone else, took videos and rearranged the keyframes and delta frames in such a way that things move in and out of one another and it's trippy as hell. Again, video.

http://www.download-finished.com/archive/ballet-modern-anne-teresa-de-keersmaeker-counterphrasesavi.html

Yeah. I wanna learn how to do stuff like that and incorporate it into what stuff I already do and what I want to do. Because there are artists that cut up and mash up music and if I could do that with video and sound and just go crazy with all of it... It would be amazing.

That's basically outside my skill range, but it's nice to dream.

Actually, I've already had ideas on audio synthesis that I want to work with, but that's also slightly outside my realm of skill. Because I basically can't code worth a damn. And learning a programming language and then implementing it into something useful is difficult.

Anyway, it's early in the morning, and I need to sleep. So much.

I hope no one calls me this time. Like. Three people called me yesterday when I was trying to sleep.

Whaterr'.

*goes off to dream about a dreamscape land where fashion, music, art and life are combined in some sort of bizarre media orgy where one cannot be distinguished from the others... I think I'm going to need more salvia for this to work properly*

[UPDATE ON MAX'S REAL LIFE]: Smoked Josh up with some Salvia the other night. ... I'm not sure where to go from here. ... I'm not sure if I really care.

*briefly contemplates how one would move to another country in order to become an underground American hit sensation*

... *stares at herringbone pants for a little while*

[END REAL CONTENT]

... Coding looks pretty complicated.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-01-16T14:56:00

2008-01-16T19:58:25Z

So uh... yeah.

Salvia's pretty darn fun.

... You should try it sometime. :]

ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-01-12T02:52:00

2008-01-12T07:53:00Z

http://www.bootieusa.com/bestofbootie2005/
http://www.bootieusa.com/bestofbootie2006/
http://www.bootieusa.com/bestofbootie2007/

Check these out, they're amaaaaazing.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2008-01-01T22:58:00

2008-01-02T03:59:00Z

Happy New Year.

I need to get my life in order.

Hope everyone's having a good year thus far and I hope it continues to be so.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-12-24T21:10:00

2007-12-25T02:12:25Z

Merry Christmashanzakwanzakyule. (pronounced krist-ma-han-za-kwan-za-kyule)

I'm so ready for it to be over.

Blessed be.

Ha ha ha.

2007-12-20T22:26:09Z

Good news bad news time.

I looked at my unofficial transcript.

The rather bad news: 1 C, 4 D's, 1 F. GPA of 1.063.

The great news? The only class that counts as a prerequisite for my classes next semester is the class I got a C in. So I don't really care all that much. I just gotta work my butt off next semester to pull up my GPA so they don't give me the boot.

Let's do some math. I have 22 hours of credit, only 16 count towards my GPA, and I have 17 grade points (the added up bits of all my grades) and I need a 1.8 to not get kicked out by the end of the year. I'm taking 12 hours. So that's 28 hours times 1.8 minus 17. Errr. That gives me some numbers that basically mean I need to get at least B's in all my classes next semester. No worries. For a second I was worried that my calculations would tell me that it's impossible, but nope, I can do it.

Isn't college amazing?

I'm not sure if those classes I got D's in count towards my degree or not... They're listed on my thinger, but I dunno... Whatever. I'll worry about that shit when I need to. Right now, it's break.

TIME TO MAKE SOME NOISE.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-12-10T22:26:00

2007-12-11T03:28:26Z

HAVE YOU HEARD THE NEW DAFT PUNK ALBUM.

If not, then you should remedy this ASAP.

ASAP!

... La la la la la.

I always feel bad for not keeping up with everyone the same amount. Like. Online and off. Some people I chill with all the time and some people I chill with not so much and some people I chill with more than I used to and some people I chill with less than I used to and some people I only get to see once in a blue moon.

OH SHIT. If you live near me (normally) but are not currently in the area, can you let me know when you'll be back? Cuz. I misses you. Unless I don't. But if I don't miss you, then why are you on my listey thing?

Bwizzare.

(Yay! Cold meds!)

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-11-18T10:50:00

2007-11-18T16:01:45Z

Ugh.

So I haven't been feeling well lately. My neck especially has been killing me. And I stayed home (like, home home) this weekend in an effort to get better. And I don't feel all that much better. I mean, I do. But. I dunno.

My neck really seriously hurts. And I can't sleep well in this bed, even though when I lay down I'm like "aaaah, home". I get dehydrated in my sleep and so I have to get water every five minutes. It sucks. So bad. But mentally I feel a lot better. I haven't had to deal with ANYONE this weekend. It's been.... amazing. I mean, I love everyone, but I need to take a break every once in a while.

Ha ha ha, Thanksgiving Break is totally this coming week. TWO DAYS OF CLASS, W00T W00T. ... Ohshit, I have a quiz in a class I haven't been to since last monday.... Whatever.

I'm worried that if I take something for my neck pain everytime it hurts, that I'll get addicted. And I really really REALLY don't want that. I'm dealing with too many other things to have to deal with a pain pill addiction.

Shaving is dumb. I wish I had razorey pores so I could just be like *squeeze pores* and then my scruff would be gone.

I dunno what else I can talk about... My mom has a facebook. Which. Is weird to me.

I hope that I am not depressed. As a friend of mine said "the worst part of being depressed are the good days, because you say 'oh, this isn't too bad, I'm feeling much better'".

I want to spend Thanksgiving Break having fun. Lots and lots of fun. Proper fun, too. With friends and whatnot. Not just going to the club+etc. but real, proper fun.

I wish Becky were around.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-11-12T09:41:00

2007-11-12T14:43:10Z

I need to point my life in the right direction. It's kinda been spiraling out of control lately, but I need to get it under wraps.

... I miss Becky.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-11-05T03:12:00

2007-11-05T08:16:25Z

I believe... that I am.... OFFICIALLY... a college student at this point.

Not only did I go to bed at 5am last night...
Not only did I wake up at 4pm this afternoon...
Not only am I planning on drinking a monster before going to class...
Not only am I planning on staying up all night writing a paper...
Not only did I go home today to do laundry...
Not only am I flat broke...
Not only am I doing all these other things.

But I am currently making Ramen in my coffee pot.

:]

Happy All Hallows everyone, even though it's already come and gone.

[edit] When cooking ramen in a coffee pot, keep the following in mind BEFORE starting.

Can the ramen fit in the coffee pot?

How much water will it take to fully submerge the ramen?

How long should I let the ramen cook?

Once the ramen is done, how will I eat it?

Once I realize that I have half-cooked ramen half out of water and I realize I have nothing to eat the ramen out of, what the fuck will I do? (hint: el-jay)

Mmmmm, ramens. ... COOK FASTER! >:O

(P.S. YOUR EMOTIOCON OF THE DAY ISS.... >:E WHICH IS THE FACE YOU MAKE WHILE EATING YOUR DIFFICULTY MADE RAMENS FROMMA CWOFFEEEE POTTTT... rwar)

(it is also the emotiocon I'ma gonna be makin inna few minutes)

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-10-24T00:39:00

2007-10-24T04:49:40Z

:\

I feel good and bad.

Well. Mostly I feel stressed, but I feel good and bad about not being on LJ very often.

On the one hand, I never check my flist, or blog, or anything. I rarely ever sign on. And I feel bad for not reading every entry when I do sign on, and I feel bad for not sharing as much as I used to and not being as close as I used to.

However, I feel good that I'm spending more time off of the computer, that I have so much life and interaction that I don't have to constantly be online, like I was in high school. Now that I'm in college, all my free time is taken up by... life.

Life takes up all my time. No more sitting around on my computer 5, 6, 7, 8 hours a day. Gone are the days of wishing I had something to do. Gone are the days of refreshing my friends page and checking my e-mail constantly for replies to my comments.

I'm out of touch with so many online friends, but now I have so so so many more offline friends (ha ha ha, and I've totally not talked to any of my high school friends except like one, maybe two).

But my life life is taking over my time like my online life used to. I'm slacking off from important stuff because I'm too busy with the fun stuff, it feels like. I feel bad because I'm scraping through college while other people don't even get in.

But my life life is also stressing me out to no end.

To no end.

TO.

NO.

END.

It makes me want to have another breakdown (because breakdowns are better than the opposite), but I'm not going to because I've already had one. And the only person I could think to call up and come comfort me was the person who was the main cause of my breakdown.

And heavens to betsy! It's the same person again!

Gods. I hope he doesn't fuck this shit up. It would be bad. In every way possible.

*sigh*

I feel bad because the only time I ever post an entry it's an emo emo emo entry. And I'm not an emo person. It just happens to be that when I'm emo and sitting around I gravitate to LJ because it's one of the few places where I can just type and type and type and no one will interrupt me and I can say what I want and won't have to worry.

Even though I'm never on here, I hope everyone is having a stress free life. I was going to say a fucking amazing life, but at this point, I think I'd rather everyone have a relaxful, stress free life.

I love you all.

... LJ is so calming.

P.S. Thanks for reading this far.

Oh, my faithful LJ....

2007-10-03T13:51:32Z

I haven't been on LJ for a long time... :[

And I only ever seem to post when I have a problem.

Fuck.

I'm not sure if I can even talk about it on here, due to the problem.

Because there are people on my friend list who would kill me if they found out. Yeah. Hopefully this vagueness won't tip anyone off.

I love how my life floats between amazing and shitty.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-09-11T09:37:00

2007-09-11T13:38:20Z

>:O

I think I'm sick.

I can't taste my Monster.

This makes me very angry.

>:O

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-09-06T00:36:00

2007-09-06T04:43:56Z

:] It's times right about nowish that I really love my life.

I have this habit of accumulating CDs-- especially burned CDs (or is it burnt CDs?), and a tendency to make mix CDs. So I've got all these mix CDs sitting around, and only a vauge idea what's on any of them (because I put an obscure label on each one, and can usually remember, but sometimes I don't label or I didn't listen to the CD enough to mentally connect the two or something, I dunno). But anyway. So today I started going through my mix CDs looking for a certain song. :] And it's fun.

BUT WHAT DID I JUST FIND??? Well, first I found the Natalie Portman rap, but THEN!! THEN I FOUND... the audio to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Q1-K1ht984 And. It's. WONDERFUL. It makes me happy. :]

I love times like this. Music is wonderful.

:] This is such a snuggly hoodie.

:[ I want a boyfriend. WHAT SHOULD I WEAR TOMORROW? I'm kinda regretting wearing my jacket to the meeting yesterday, because will it look weird if I wear it again to tomorrow's meeting? I'd wear one of my other jackets, BUT ALL MY OTHER JACKETS ARE TOO HEAVY. Oops?

... I'll figure something out. I just want someone who I connect with and who I can have deep conversations with and whatnot? Yeah. I'm tired of lusting after hot guys. (watch, in another week, it's going to be the other way around, ugh, VICIOUS CYCLE)

... I still haven't found the song I was originally looking for....

I saw a short video about DJ Shadow and how he used to dig and dig and dig through vinyl looking for something useful-- and I feel the same way about CDs. It's weird. Even though, it's different, it's similar. I have CDs that I got from like bargain bins and whatnot, and who no one has ever heard of before, but I've found some pretty cool stuff that way. :]

I can't wait til FRIDAY. When I get paid, and then get to be broke once more! :D

Have a nice night, everyone. :]

ADONIS!!!

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-09-02T15:04:00

2007-09-02T19:19:05Z

Lullz. How am I not dead yet? I just woke up and am probably skipping lunch. Again. Though, to be fair, I did eat around 4ish. .... In the morning.

Also, now I am broke. I cannot spend any more money until I get my paycheck. End of story. No sequel. I went to Rocky friday night (and Rocky itself is only five dollars, but Third place was another five and McDonalds was another five), came home, got up at four, ate dinner around sixish? Went out with Darci to Schoolkids and picked up best of Fatboy Slim and one of AFX albums (the Richard D. James one? whatever his real name thing is) because otherwise. I would have killed something. My computer was giving me serious grief. IE wouldn't open (well, it would but then it would totally just freeze up. I should possibly uninstall it so no one else tries to use it. Also AIM wouldn't open AT ALL, so I couldn't get in contact with anyone to be like "AAAAH MY COMPUTAR AM BROKE") and I kept getting a message, like 20 minutes I had booted up, that Google desktop couldn't load properly or something? And then it would try to go to some random IP address and wouldn't be able to find it? Kinda gyp, if you ask me. And then at like 10, I went and got a Bookoo Punch (it tasted like punch, but felt like drinking liquid styrofoam?) and when I got back to my dorm I found out I needed to go to an ATM (which was right next to the place where I got my drink, which is on the other side of campus, which I had just walked to and back from) but on my way out of my dorm I was like "orite. car." and drove over to Cameron Village to go to my bank (the ATM by Bragaw is free, though! weird.) and then got picked up (at the wrong end of my dorm?) and then we went to Legends, which was more fun than usual. Michael was drunk and was a little embarrassing because he realized that he'd never see any of these people ever again (also, he was drunk. oh, Michael was a friend of Mel's that she brought back up from Charlotte). Anyway, we finally left, went to IHOP, realized it was hella full, and then went to Denny's (and of course I was DD). Got some tastay BBQ chicken (ha ha ha, and of course drinks, even non-alcoholic ones, at the club, were mighty expensive), and ended up using the last of my cash to pay for it. OH. And when I went to go use the restroom, the guy from the club who had been walking around in black cowboy boots and a black speedo carrying around a tray of jello shots was washing his hands at the same time I was. Which was like "aslkjasdlkjasdlkjad" because Michael and I had been starring at him all night. I was tempted to say something, but then I realized that people were waiting for me to get back to the table so we could leave. ... Uh huh, yeah, that's the reason... Drove Lindsay home (Crossroads), Mel home (N. Harrison) and took Michael back to my dorm (State). We ended up sitting around playing cards and chatting and when we finally decided to turn in he decided he was too awake and left for Charlotte. And then I woke up a little bit ago, called around to see who had already eaten and decided to wait til dinner to eat.

Yeah, okay. I suppose that's it. Oh, and I saw people from the BGLA at Legends. But I didn't talk to any of them because none of them knew me, really? I gotta figure out how to have more of a presence. :[ OKAY I CAN DO THIS.

:] Hope everyone is having a great three day weekend.

(YAY FATBOY SLIM)

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-09-01T16:18:00

2007-09-01T20:21:18Z

:] I just woke up like. Less than an hour ago. It's currently like... 4:20.

:] I went to Rocky last night and got to hang out and have fun. McDonalds REALLY hit the spot at three in the morning. Parallel parking at four in the morning STILL isn't fun, though.

:[ My AIM isn't working. At all. Neither is IE, so I'ma using Firefox. No biggie. Just don't have my bookmarks and whatnot. Maybe it was all that free DJ software I downloaded (LEGALLY) yesterday. :\

:] Mel is visiting for the weekend. She and I and her friend Michael are going clubbing tonight. :] I'ma be so broke by the end of this weekend.

Love you all!

(is anyone else having problems with AIM?)

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-08-29T22:44:00

2007-08-30T02:46:14Z

My life is a facade of it's old bright and shiny bits.

I know like. Three people. Okay, maybe more than three, but seriously. At first I was like "w00t, freebes, partay partay". Except. I totally don't know anyone. I feel completely inept and alone.

I hate this shit. I need to take a shower.

... I need to find the gay group on campus.

JIM'S HOLOGRAMS???

2007-08-28T13:57:00Z

SO. I HAVEN'T UPDATED IN A LONG TIME.

... So why start now? :D

Jaykay. It's about 10:00, I woke up a little while ago, and I'm pretending to get ready for class. In actuality, I'm... Checking LJs? ^^;; But I do need to get to class at some point. :] I only have two classes today. I love my schedule. Some people are like "I like to stay busy". Not me! I love having free time so I don't get hella swamped with work. *sagely nod* If I get bored, I'll upp my course load next semester, I guess?

Anyway. I'll try to remember to update ferserious tonight? Depending on what time I get back.

VITAMINS ARE GOOOOOD.

So yeah. My roommate gets up at like. 6:30 or 7:00, and I get up at like 9:15 and still have time to lounge around and update my lj? ^^;; Heh... Heh...

OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG OMFG I TOTALLLY HAVEN'T TOLD YOU GUYS YET. I got a CDJ!! Which, most of you are like "whaaat?" but basically it's a turntable, but for cds. :] And I'm getting a second one next friday. x] I'm so stoked! I'll be able to start DJing soon!! ... I hope. I still need a mixer and speakers. Cuz. I'm using my PC speakers? Ew. They're better than nothing and good for listening to music in le dorm, but not so good for live performances. :[

... x] I'm so excited.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-08-18T23:35:00

2007-08-19T03:36:38Z

:\

I am at college.

I am bored.

No one is here to talk to.

I need to make my bed so that I can sleep. Sleep sleep sleep, so good.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-08-16T00:16:00

2007-08-16T04:23:21Z

I want to make a post about how emo I feel.

But then people would know how emo I feel. And pity me or something. Which isn't what I want at all.

(Can you tell I've been reading too much ljsecret?)

I'm so ready to move out. I would say something melodramatic like "you don't even know", but more than likely, you do.

I'm so unprepared. I'm so broke. I have this bad feeling that the shit's going to hit the fan, but I also have this sneaking suspicion (is that spelled right?) that everything's going to pan out nicely. It always seems to happen, which is nice.

Hopefully I'll be able to get most of my textbooks from my sister for cheap. That would be nice.

It'd be nice to get my haircut before going off to college, but I don't think I'll be able to get it done. Oh well, no biggie.

(Ugh. I'm so angry. I've been playing pokemon on my computer for a while now and I finally beat the game, but somehow my save file got messed up because now it's saying I have to start over. I'm so angry. I still had stuff I wanted to do on it before giving it up for good and moving on. Ugh. Now there's a good chance I'll restart and get addicted again.)

I put some DJ equipment on layaway and now I'm second-guessing myself. I'm glad Becky made me go and do it, but on the other hand now I'm worried that I won't have enough money. I'll be a lot happier once I have it in my hands.

ilovemyumbrella @ 2007-08-11T23:08:00

2007-08-12T03:54:53Z

Becky,

I don't remember when you come home. I feel bad about that. I hope you call me when you get back. In the meantime I hope you're having a wonderful time. :]

Neesan,

I hope your sock yarn comes soon. Stardust was amazing. :] I hope it was everything you were hoping for and more.

Annelise,

I'm sorry about Josh. If I ever see him on campus I will keep an eye on him. Go to college and enjoy yourself. :] Don't go too crazy. ... Ha ha, who am I joking? Try not to get in trouble, at least.

Denise!

I'm so happy that you have an LJ and Facebook and everything now! I almost forgot that you had one! And that would have been bad... :[ BUT YAY IT'S DENISE! :] I hope you have a great great time at college (ugh, college rivalry). I'm sure you will! :D *throws flower petals*

BT,

We haven't talked in a while. I hope your life is going where you want it. Don't despair!

Angela,

We never talk? I'm sorry about your fish. But it's the cycle of life, or something like that.

Melllll,

I will see you tomorrow. :] I hope you didn't lose any of my books. >:[

Ruth,

You have my books. We haven't talked in a long time. What the fuck.

Keith,

GO TO A NEURO-WHATEVER-WHATEVER. The world will be a shitty place if you die of head-death. I hope David is treating you good. I know you can look after yourself, but I hope the two of you look after one another.

Meggggg,

We never talk. But I still read most of your entries? :] You're just as crazy as always.

NEKOOO,

Thank you for everything. I really mean it. I admire you somedays. I don't think I've ever seen you lose your head.

Dennis,

Wherever you go, be careful. People care about you, don't push them away. :] But don't let them control your life, either.

Kaff-winnn,

I'm sorry your job is over and done with. But I'm also insanely jealous you had such a good job. x] You live such an awesome life.

A.J.,

I hope your mom will be okay. I'm sure she's in good hands. Don't let your Uncle sour your time with your mom.

Sekuria,

I look foward to seeing you next semester. You were kinda like an older sister for a while. Still kinda are? I dunno. I'm sorry that you'll have to leave the cold. :[

Shea,

We've met, and I read your entries from time to time? I hope your life is full of happiness.

McKenzie,

:] I just looked at your profile. The video is hilarious. Your entries always make me smile. YAY.

Kaaarin,

I hope school is good. And fast. AND DONE. But you still have til next June. Tough it out, it'll be over before you know it.

NICOLEASDLKJALKJASD,

I LOVE SPELLING YOUR NAME LIKE THAT. It's really easy to spell. You just write out your normal name and then pound the keys. IT'S GREAT. You're awesome. :]

Lili,

Keep up the good work?

Rob,

I hope he's everything you've ever wanted.

Rei,

I don't think you use your LJ anymore. Oh well, I talk to you on DA.

Andy,

I hope your life is woooonderful. Full of fun and joy. :]

--------------

Sorry if I forgot anyone. I tried to get everyone? SORRY IF YOUR MESSAGE SUCKED. I get depressed at night, so it's hard for me to think of encouraging messages.

I think it would be nice if everyone did this every once in a while. Just to let the people who read their journal know that they pay attention, seriously, that this isn't myspace. (ha ha ha, there are probably a couple people I wrote messages to that are like "wtf. it's like he never reads my journal", and to whom I'm sorry, there are a few usernames that I get confused between. so unless I was like "we never talk/I rarely read what you say", yeah, I really do read your journal) People who I don't read their journal didn't get a message. :[ Sorry. It would be nice if you don't bitch me out. Instead of bitching me out, you could always try to reconnect or whatever. I DUNNO.

... Maybe I go do something like this onna facebook.

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Ugh. I'm so scared I'm going to screw up with college and get kicked out or something without even realizing it. The other day I had an appointment at my allergist and when we got there they were like "I'm sorry, we don't have you in our system" and so that kinda freaks me out. Because we got an appointment card? And an old friend of mine got kicked out of college at the last second because her math score wasn't good enough or something? Like, why couldn't they have made that kind of decision before, y'know, they wrote the tuition check? Before it was too late for her to go to a different college? I'm so sad that her life is so bitchy sometimes because she's such a wonderful person. I can't imagine anyone wishing her ill-will. But it also freaks me out because... I feel like I'm a lazy slackerface, and why should I get all this collegey bits and wonderful when someone like her gets the short end of the stick? She worked really hard to not fail math, and then it still wasn't good enough. I never work hard, always slack, and always get by without too much trouble. NOT THAT I'M SAYING MY LIFE SHOULD BE BAD. I'm not complaining. I just wish she were able to be happier.

Crystal turned 18 yesterday. We had a lot of fun. I love her dearly.

Hopefully Mel, Julia and I will be having lunch tomorrow. Mel leaves for Charlotte on tuesday. My life is going to be so different when she leaves. I always take advantage of the fact that she's around and is kind and wonderful, I never really think about how much she does for me (though, I totally got her some grilled cheses last night :P). I hope I'll be able to go down for Pride. I keep forgetting how much shit I need for college, I hope I'll have the funds to go down there.

I want to see Julia more, but I always feel weird because she's an adult person and I'm a slacker kid person. Maybe if I hang out with her more her non-slackery bits will rub off?

Why do I listen to such shitty music? And why do I like it so much?

I found a song I was looking for the other day. Well. Found out who it's by and the name of it and all that. I don't actually have a copy yet.

I hope I have enough money for lunch tomorrow. :[ Julia will probably offer to pay (she payed for Mel and I when we celebrated graduation, which was hella expensive, I felt bad), but as much as I enjoy other people getting me stuff, it's a nice feeling to know that you can buy yourself food and that you don't have to lean on someone else to survive.

College starts soon. I'm so.... I'm not excited, really. But. I'm anticipating it, I guess would be a good word. Anticipation.

I need to sleep. *shrug*

Love you all. Have a good sunday. Have a good rest of summer break for those of you in school, and a good rest of summer for everyone. Fall will be upon us soon, and then winter. :] I can't wait. Ha ha ha, I'm more excited about the seasons changing than I am about college. Seasons change on a regular basis and college is a big deal. I'm such a weirdo.

Queen is wonderful. David Bowie makes my day. I want to find old music like this on vinyl-- I hope it's not too hard to find. I'm so unfammiliar with older music (well, I've heard a lot of it, but I'm not good with associating a certain song to a certain group) and I'm never sure which albums are good and which one aren't. :[ And vinyl can get kinda crazy. It's usually really cheap or kinda expensive. And I'm really sad because the awesome record place across the street from my dorm closed down. So now I can't walk to get vinyl (well, I can, but it's a much longer walk, nothing I can't handle).

I worry that I'll forget to do things when I don't have someone to remind me to do them. Only one way to find out.

I keep writing even though I know this entry is really long and I doubt no one had gotten this far. If you have, thank you for taking the time to read about my pitiful life. Ha ha ha. It's not my life that's pitiful, it's my treatment of it, I suppose.

<3 I'm glad I finally stopped talking to the boy who doesn't give a shit about me. He was an ass. Is, I suppose. He probably hasn't even noticed I stopped talking to him.

You know how you always read about (well, I do at least) the people who are like "I read your blog/journal and always read about how you're sad that no one likes you; but I do, and I wish I could tell you". I always wonder if I have anyone like that, who has a secret crush on me but could never tell me. It would be really nice if they did. I highly doubt it. But still. Even if I weren't to return the favor, I know once you say it out loud it's a lot easier to deal with. ... Ha ha ha, like anyone would secretly pine after ME.

<3 Thanks. For everything. No matter how much or how little, thanks.

(ugh, sorry this was so long. I haven't posted in a few days, so I guess I'm using up all the allotted space that I missed :P)